Talk That Talk
September 4, 2015
I don’t discuss it very often on here, but getting the kids to go to bed remains an ongoing problem for us. The struggle is real, man. At this point, I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery, than I do of telling B and J to go to sleep and have them happily oblige, with no shenanigans.
Take the other night, for example. I’ll give you a quick back-story first, though. See, we recently got J a new ‘big girl’ bed, because she had outgrown her other one. When we told her of our plans to get a new bed, she was excited. Her bed game was gon’ be on fleek, yo! She couldn’t wait to sleep in it!
And then we we actually got the bed.
The first night, instead of rushing off to test it out, she refused to sleep in it. She argued that she wanted to sleep in our bed. Who needs a big comfortable spread to yourself, when you can be uncomfortably wedged between two adults? #kidlogic
Anyway, over the next few days, K and I came to the unfortunate realization that the only way to get J to go to her bed was through bribery or similar tactics. This brings me to the other night.
When the big bedtime moment came, J agreed to go to sleep in her bed, BUT with one condition – I had to sit in her room with her, until she dozed off. Well, shut the front door! She seemed pretty tired, so I would probably be outta there in 15 minutes, I figured. I tucked her in, pulled up the rocking chair, and waited.
There was one other thing, however – J wanted to talk to me as she fell asleep. OK, cool, whatever.
Turned out, she had a lot of stuff on her mind. No joke, here is what she talked about, in chronological order:
- She recapped the movie Cinderella, including numerous small details.
- She recapped the movie Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, including numerous small details.
- She recapped the movie Scooby-Doo And Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery, including numerous small details.
- She wished upon a star.
- She fired me, just because.
- She discussed what she wanted to have for breakfast the next morning.
- We discussed why pudding isn’t a breakfast food.
- She discussed what she wanted for dessert the next evening.
- She insisted that I had to sleep in her bed, or else I would be in big trouble (side note: no, my daughter isn’t Michelle Tanner).
- She recapped what she did at daycare, including numerous small details.
- She wondered if she was three years old, or three and a half years old. When told that she was three and a half, she listed off all of the important events which had to occur, before her next birthday. These included Halloween, Christmas, family members’ birthdays, and, uh, Thursday.
- She invited me to her birthday party.
- Apparently she was playing with a GPS or something, as she gave me precise directions on how to get to Grammy’s house (side note: if I followed her directions, I would not have gotten anywhere close to Grammy’s house).
- She told me that she had a dream about Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. It was a scary dream.
- She asked if “Fingers” was awake (side note: Fingers is a character I made up years ago, to entertain the kids. It is just my hand speaking in my normal voice, but B and J get a kick out of it. Some parents use puppets or toys; I use my fingers. Some parents are more resourceful and creative than me).
- We had this exchange:
J (singing) – Fingers is bad! Fingers is bad! Daddy? I have to tell you something.
Me – What?
J (singing) – Fingers is bad! Fingers is bad!
- She sang some real songs to herself quietly, before finally fading and passing out.
The 15 minute waiting time that I estimated was off by by about two hours. It was all good, though, as at least she was in her own bed!
I went to sleep not long afterwards. At 3:00AM, to my dismay, I was woken up……by J. She had come into our room, and was standing beside my rested head:
J – Daddy! Daddy! You are in big trouble!
Me – Why? What did I do?
J – You said you would sleep in my room, but you’re not. Now c’mon!
I honestly didn’t remember making such a deal. However, at that time of the night, exhausted and barely conscious, I wasn’t in the mood for a fight. So, I got up, stumbled down the hall, and snuggled up with her, in her bed.
Here’s the kicker: the next morning, when I woke up, I was alone. At some point, J got up (again), and went and slept in MY bed!
As comfy as my sleep was, it was obviously a less than ideal scenario. Yet, that’s how it goes in our house on a regular basis. #bedtimewtf
The struggle is real, man!