Tag: elf on a shelf; christmas; elf on the shelf ideas;

A C Section Procedure Story

Announcement time!

The other day, we welcomed another member into the Daddy Realness family.  Our baby boy KJ was born! If I do say so myself, he’s a pretty chill, happy lil dude.

Now, like his siblings B and J,  KJ was brought out of K by a C section procedure.  Coincidentally, as one of the world’s preeminent dad bloggers, a subject which I am constantly asked about is that of Caesarean sections.

Ha. Just playin’.

Nothing in that sentence is remotely true. However,  as someone who’s seen three of them, I figured that I can at least tell you what C sections are like, from a dad’s perspective. Consider this post about things a dad should know about pregnancy.

Check out this timeline of events, for KJ’s birth:

3:30AM: Wakeup time. K’s surgery is for 8:00AM, but we were told to be at the hospital at 5:00AM, for prep stuff.  Because the hospital’s parking garage had flooded the night before, we wanted to get there early, in case the parking situation was  still a mess. We got dressed, said bye to K’s mom (who was sleeping over to take B and J to school that morning), grabbed K’s hospital bag, and hit the road.

4:50AM:  We checked in at the labour ward. While there, we were told that the hospital’s paperwork said that the C section was scheduled for 9:30AM, not 8:00. It had been switched without our knowledge! With no other choice but to accept the error, we were sent to a room, to wait.

During this period, I killed time by eating breakfast (K was not allowed to eat until after the surgery) and watching Jane The Virgin on Netflix. K played games on her phone and rested. We were both given hospital gowns/scrubs to change into. We also received frequent visitors. Nurses, doctors, the OBGYN and people doing studies all came by (shout out to the one nurse that was assigned to us and stayed until we left the recovery room later. She was amazing). K was heavily monitored, and had a bunch of tests done on her and the baby.  We also learned that, because of the messed up parking situation, the anesthesiologist was late, so we wouldn’t be going in at 9:30AM after all.

9:50AM: The nurse came in to tell us that we would be going in soon. She gave K a nasty-tasting medicine drink to chug, and told her to pretend that it was tequila. After a few more minutes of waiting, we were off to the surgery room.

10:10AM: Scratch that. K was off to the surgery room. The thing with being the significant other of someone going in for a planned C section is that you’re pretty much there for moral support only. Just be cool, stay out of the way and let your partner and the staff do their thing. The hospital that we were at didn’t even let me in the surgery room immediately with K.

And you know what? That’s all good in my books.

I’d most likely freak out and barf or faint or something, listening to the nurses slicing K up. Tending to me clearly is not staying out of the staff’s way.

Anyway, I was told to wait in the hall, and eventually I would be called into the room, after the C section procedure was well underway. During this time, I did what any bored husband would do – took sexy selfies of myself in scrubs!

things a dad should know about pregnancy

10:30AM: Yours truly was called in. During a C section, your partner lies on a table, arms spread out. By the time that you get there, a  big curtain was put up by their chest, so they/you can’t see what’s going on.  On this day, I entered the room on the wrong side of the table, though. Maybe you’re into seeing your spouses insides on the outside, but not me. Sticking to the routine that I did during our previous two births,  I power walked to the stool the nurses had for me (near K’s head) with my eyes closed.

I remember thinking during K’s first C section that it kind of sounded like a construction site, with all the buzzing and whirring. KJ’s was more serene, however. Besides the odd squishy noise, there wasn’t too much to make you squeamish.

10:40AM: Remember what I said about not getting in the way? I thought K was turning red and blue, which I blurted out to the nurses. This of course made K scared, which is the last thing you want during a surgery.

Oops!

The nurses calmly reassured us that nothing was out of the ordinary. K turning bluer than Violet Beauregard (word to Charlie And the Chocolate Factory!) was apparently no biggie.

10:50AM:  After some final pulling, KJ enters the world! He showed off an impressive set of lungs, too, screaming his little face off as he exited the womb. I  then got to have some fun. I snapped pictures of KJ, incorrectly guessed his weight when the nurse put him on the scale, cut the umbilical cord (note: it’s rubbery and bloody), and held him for the first time. While the doctors worked on putting K back to together, I sat with KJ by her.  We were both feeling relieved. A healthy child really is a miracle, and having a third C section successfully isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

11:05AM: I’m kicked out of the room. I ain’t gots to go home, but I gots to get the heck up out of there.

Kidding!

For real, though, I was kicked out of the room, and told go wait in recovery, while they put the final touches on closing up K. I was also allowed to change out of my scrubs, though. The nurses wheeled K and KJ into the recovery room about 15 minutes later.  Over the next while, it was a blur of tests and visits again. K was finally able to get to hold our son during this time. KJ got to experience the joys of breast milk for the first time, too.

1:00PM: We were on the move again. For the remainder of the stay, we would be in a hospital room. In our case,  it was a private room, as opposed to a semi-private one (so more space, no roommates, and our own bathroom).  The surgery really took its toll on K, as she was in a lot of pain. I tried to tend to her and KJ as best I could, when the nurses weren’t around.

4:00PM:  B and J arrived, to raise all kinds of chaos, and to meet their lil bro for the first time!

7:00PM: As much as I would have loved to stay the night, reality didn’t allow it. B and J had school the next day, and overnight babysitters on a weeknight are a rare commodity. I had to leave, to take the kids home. I know one nurse did kind of throw shade our way about this, which made me feel guilty. If our situation was different, of course I would have hung around. Regardless, K and KJ were in great hands at the hospital,  I would be back the next morning, and after a long, exhausting day, I looked forward to a good night’s sleep in my own bed.

11:00PM: However, before that good night’s sleep, I had one more daddy duty. Tis the season for elves on the shelves. When we got home from the hospital, B and J decided that day, of all days, to write letters to our elf, which I had to help them with.  J was concerned about if she was going to get Shopkins for Christmas; B  wondered about Pokemon cards, and the elf’s magic powers.

The thing was, they expected the elf to write them back! They knew my handwriting, so I had to think outside the box. When they eventually fell asleep, I thought about it, and ended up thinking inside the box (of Cheerios, that is):

Yes, the elf gave them the unexpected John Cena treatment.  I jammed that cheeky, meme-loving elf in the box of Cheerios, too, for dramatic effect.

What?

Like I said, it was a long day. Also,  I’m clearly not very creative when it comes to elves on the shelves.

Afterwards, I hit the sack, to put a wrap on this long, incredible day.

And that’s what a C section is like from dad’s viewpoint. If you don’t know, now you know.

Until next time, later y’all!

 

 

 

 

Creative Elf On The Shelf Ideas for the Busy Parent

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with the Elf On the Shelf fad.  It’s hard, yo. After a long day, when the kids are finally asleep, the last thing that I want to do is come up with a zany new place to put the elf. Creative elf on the shelf ideas just ain’t my thang.

However, my kids love looking for him everyday.  As a result, for almost everyday in December, I gotta man up and do it, for B and J’s sake.

If you’re like me, you’re busy with other stuff , and don’t have much time to spend on thinking of cool spots for your elf. However, don’t fret, my pet.  I got your back on this.

Here are some quick and easy ideas for ya!

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Haha! Look at that lil’ bugger, all passed out after gettin’ his drank on!

Huh?

It’s inappropriate for children to find him in an inebriated condition? #NSFW?

And you’ve seen this done to elves a million times already on Facebook and Pinterest?

Aight, aight. Scratch this one then….

 

 

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Just leave him in the middle of the FLOOR,  with no alcohol! Your kids won’t expect that!

Wait.

Scratch this one, too.

B told me that one of his classmates cut the arms off of his elf. He told me in this weird way, though, that was equal parts shock/curiosity. I don’t know how effective the threat of making the elf lose his magic is, to a mischievous four year old boy. Maybe leaving an elf so easily within arm’s reach is a bad move.

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Ahhh, much better. A bird’s eye view, out of harm’s way.

Continuing on, as an option…….you could also put your elf…….um…….

Uh oh.

I’m out of ideas.

Errr……

Hey, this was fun, everybody, but this is the end of the post.  I hope that I’ve been of some help. Happy elfing!

Creative Elf On The Shelf Ideas

What?

I got nothing.  This is too much pressure. Why can’t I throw him out now? I’ll just tell B and J that he’s in a super secret hiding place. They’re young. They’ll understand.

No?

It’s a waste of an elf?

Fine………

 

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Better?

I’ll just take him to a corner, with his sign, and leave him there. Maybe I’ll make him a little stick with a bag tied on the end of it.  Get him a mini shopping cart to push around. Wipe some dirt on his face, to make him really sorry looking, so someone will take pity and scoop him up ASAP.

Still no?

C’mon, man!

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Peace out!

We’re going for a nice, long drive to the forest. Don’t worry, there’s nothing shady going on. See? The elf is even buckled in.

Sort of.  Safety first!

What do you mean, you don’t believe me? Yes, if I leave with the elf, we’re both coming back home!

Hopefully.

OK, OK. I’ll remove him from my car. He’s not coming in my house again, though!

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What’s up now?

No, I don’t think that he looks cold. The way that that he’s sitting there, smiling, I think that he looks like a Peeping Tom.  How’d he get up on the window, anyway? I left him on the ground.  Ah, the magic of Christmas.  And yes, it is snowing, so he’s probably a bit wet.

Oh, fine. I’ll bring him inside, and dry him off. Bah humbug!

Creative Elf On The Shelf Ideas

My first choice was the microwave, but apparently, I shouldn’t use that. So, let’s go with this, instead.

Well, how else am I supposed to dry him?

He’s not real! The dryer won’t kill him!

Creative Elf On The Shelf Ideas

 

Now, the blender on the other hand, that will kill him.

Kidding!

Don’t worry, no elves were harmed in the making of this post.

It still kind of sucks, though. Elfing ain’t easy. And by the way, I’m not that creative. Guess I should have led off with that.  Better creep some other sites, if you’re looking for some fun and wacky sources of inspiration.

Worst case, if you’re stuck, there’s always the middle of the FLOOR!

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You’re welcome.

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