March 2, 2017
After dealing with small kids for so long, I’ve honestly forgotten how different they are to babies.
The years really do fly by. B and J are little people now. Baby KJ, on the other hand, is whole ‘nother creature. My dad strategies (or as I call them dadegies. What? That’s catchy! What do you mean that’s not catchy?) which work on seven and four year olds, don’t work on two month olds. As such, I need to switch my game up, to handle KJ.
Full disclaimer- right now, K does most of the heavy lifting with him. She is home during the day while I’m at work. However, the evenings are when I do a “night shift” in our house. K goes to bed around 9:00pm and wakes up a few hours later. This means that it’s just me and the baby until then. Yep, KJ and I bonding and spending quality time alone together, creating lasting memories.
How’s it going, you ask?
Well……here’s a typical shift.
K’s breastfed KJ. He’s burped, changed and contently sleepy. He should pass out any minute now. K hands him off to me, and heads to bed. Let’s check the time:
Ok, baby boy, let’s get our bond on like James! Haha, you see what I did there?
Hey, stop looking at the stairs for Mommy, dude. She’s gone.
Aww. She’s not gone, gone, like gone forever. She’s just sleeping. She’ll be back! Please stop crying. You look tired. Get some rest!
You’re just going to cry louder?
Alrighty. Time to dip into the ol’ bag of tricks. Are you still hungry? Here, have some bottle. The finest breast milk around.
Hey, don’t scream, I’m just askin’.
Do you want to be rocked? Here, let’s rock.
Hmm. That didn’t work.
OK, let’s go for a walk around the house. Up the stairs, down the stairs. To the windows, to the wall. Swing by the fridge, to get daddy a snack, and back to our chair. How you doin’ now?
Even worse than before. Oh boy. I wonder what time it is.
Ok, be cool, Mike. Even though you can’t hear yourself think over the screaming, it’s not personal. It’s probably just colic (side note: yeah, KJ is colicky).
I know. Gentle bouncing and some singing! I haven’t tried that yet.
B-b-b-bounce wit’ me, bounce wit’ me!
It’s working! The crying is easing up.
Now let’s bust out some jams. What do you want me to sing? Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, or Bad and Boujee, by Migos?
What? I saw them on the Ellen Show, so it must be totally kid appropriate.
Migos you say? Oh, I know you can’t talk, but I’ll pretend you said that.
Raindrops, drop tops –
Hey, stop looking for Mommy. She can’t save you now. Haha. Fine, no more trap music.
Don’t look at me like that. It’s not just for teens!
Anyway, it requires my full attention. Some peace and quiet so I can hear the dialogue would be great, mmkay? Thanks.
Didn’t even make it through the opening credits. Oh well.
No offense, but you stink.
No really, did you poop?
You sure did. Diaper change it is.
How’s that feel?
You’re still crying, so I guess not good enough.
Are you hungry?
Here, try the bottle again. Mmm, yummy, right?
You want the real thing, don’t you? You’re going to keep crying until you get some boob in your mouth, even though you know my boobies ain’t milky?
Is…..is that a SMILE? Do you enjoy messing with me or something?
Hardy har har, dude. Hardy har har.
That escalated quickly. Ok, well if you keep crying for that boob, then I’m going to hum Bad and Boujee! How do you like them apples!?
Wait. Why am I negotiating with a baby?
Look, Mommy will be up soon, so just chill.
You’re not chilling.
What time is it, anyway?
Oh, I hear Mommy’s alarm. Sweet.
She’s coming downstairs!
Are you serious!?
Now, you’re tired?
All of that crying must have worn you out.
This was fun, but I’m going to bed. Goodnight, lil man. See you tomorrow, when we can create some more beautiful moments together!