Month: January 2015

I Robot

 

robot

 

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon at home, with just me and the kids. B and J were quietly playing together.  Even better, the NFL playoffs were on TV. It was looking like I would be able to watch a football game in peace!

So, of course, B uttered these words:

“Hey daddy! Can you make me a robot costume?”

Son of a Bender!  Halloween was sooo two months ago. Isn’t it against the law to dress up in costumes after October 31, unless you plan on fighting crime in Gotham or Metropolis?

Now, luckily, my kids are young enough that they still hold me in pretty high regard. This is in spite of me being borderline incompetent at a lot of things (parenting, parallel parking, simple household repairs, blogging, etc…) However, I’m still capable of making stuff from scratch for them sometimes, that they don’t hate on.

But robots???

Yo, that was a tricky one.  Nonetheless, we were able to pull it off – our own, homemade, kid-approved robot costume! Lemme show you how we did it.

First off, you need a phone. Or a laptop. Or a tablet. Basically any device with the internet that lets you Google ‘homemade robot costumes.’  Y’all been warned, though. The results ain’t pretty……..

They’re freakin’ awesome.

Pages and pages of people humblebragging on their blogs and websites about their clever, amazing robot creations. While impressive, it eventually becomes disheartening if you’re a simple-minded homey like yours truly. Shoot, I would never be able to easily replicate any of them!

Side note: don’t worry, dear reader. Here at daddyrealness.com, you won’t catch me bragging about anything. I’m all about honest struggles. No need to toot my own horn. It’s not like I own a lot of dope stuff, either, that you want to hear about. I mean, I have an autographed Ken Griffey Jr picture. It’s probably still valuable.  But that’s about it, and it has nothing to do with the topic of this post. Yep. No reason to talk about that.

IMG_20150119_194651_450

Oh. Who put that there? #toottoot

 

 

 

While trying to find an easy robot online, to make out of material that I actually had in my house, I came across a sweet looking picture of Plex, from Yo Gabba Gabba. This lead to me getting distracted, and looking up old episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba. You know, so I could see who the musical guests were on each one. I don’t know why I did this, man. That’s just where my thought process went. Logically, this evolved into me gettin’ my Wikipedia on, to find out who some of these artists were, and what they’ve done lately.

As I was researching Biz Markie’s career after “Just A Friend”, B came up to me and asked if I could cut some holes out of an old diaper box, for his robot body. I had been so focused on screwing around on the internet, I hadn’t noticed that B  had gathered up a bunch odds and ends from around the house, to use for his robot costume! Not gonna lie, I felt relieved, because the pressure was now off of me.  I gladly hacked some holes out of the box. B put on his costume pieces, and I slipped the body on him.

TA DA!!

IMG_20150119_222230

 

The end result? One happy boy.

How about that, eh? You really don’t need the fanciest or most sophisticated stuff, to make something that a little kid will love. Their wide-eyed innocence can turn a combination of boxes, noodle strainers and sunglasses into a pretty cool robot.

Never underestimate the power of a child’s imagination. Sometimes, that’s all you need!

 

 

Role Model

screan

 

Try as you might, you can’t force role models onto your children.

No doubt, you can expose them to different individuals, and even exude model behavior yourself. However, if they ain’t feelin’ it, then they ain’t feelin’ it. You can point them in a direction, but it’s all up to them whether they look that way or not.

I would love it if my kids acted as dope and awesome as me, for example, so I constantly try to project dope awesomeness (What? It could be true).  Nonetheless, while I’m sure that B and J respect my awesome dopeness, I can’t hold a candle to other people that they’ve seen. I don’t have any magic powers, or possess  super-human strength, or wear a funky costume. It’s way cooler to run around acting like Batman or John Cena or Elsa than it is to act like my 9-5, office job working butt.

To a point.

See, it’s one thing to just admire and pretend to be like someone. It’s another thing to actually think you are that someone.  And you don’t want to be the parent of that kid.  You know what I mean. The boy in a cape who seriously believes he’s Superman (one wrong move among the wrong people, and that child will learn real quick that he’s not impervious to pain).  The girl who watches the Olympics and then thinks she’s really McKayla Maroney (one bad landing on the monkey bars, and she’ll actually have a reason to look unimpressed).

Barack_Obama_with_artistic_gymnastic_McKayla_Maroney_2

I gotta keep it real with you, though. For a while recently, I did have that kid.

Over the holidays,  our family watched a bunch of Christmas movies. Well, not me so much, but K, B and J did, anyway (No network showed my personal favorite, Santa With Muscles, so I silently protested watching other Christmas films. See what I mean, about me being awesomely dope?). Unfortunately, B, bless his five year old heart, took a particular liking to two of them – Home Alone, and Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. Granted, there’s a bunch of stuff in both that went over his head. The stuff he got, however, he really got. B somehow could totally relate to Kevin McCallister, the main character. Consequently, he started to behave like him.

The problem was, when the act goes on 24-7, it’s not an act any longer, right? In B’s words, when I told him to cut it out, “I am KEVIN!”

Ahhh, how cute, you say?

No way, Jose!

Have you seen those movies? Kevin is a bit of prick. As a result, our “Kevin”:

– On Christmas Eve, was full of sugar adrenaline, so he spent most of the evening running around, waving his arms, screaming at the top of his lungs, emulating Kevin when he did this in his house.

– When I would try to talk to him, would give me random, sassy replies ie.

Me: How many more days until Christmas?

B: 1….2…..10! HAHAHAHAHA!

Or:

B: Come here, daddy, you big horse’s mass!

Me: What did you call me??

B: Nothing.

I should mention here that he doesn’t know all of the swear words yet, so to his ears, Kevin said ‘mass’ in the movie, which made mass a perfectly acceptable insult. Before you think of kicking my mass, please note that he was reprimanded accordingly, for the salty language.

– Gave J a snack, and told her to ‘keep the change, ya filthy animal.’

– Got caught thinking of climbing into a storage bin, and riding it down the stairs (reminiscent of the scene in the first Home Alone, where Kevin does this with a sled). After being reprimanded, he settled on putting a stuffed animal in the bin instead, and pushing it down the stairs. The animal went flying out of it and crashed horribly. It probably died.

– Got a hold of a roll of ribbon, and unwound it around various objects in the kitchen. In his words, he set a terrible trap.

The worst part?

The trap worked, and I tripped on it!

– Had the following conversation:

B: What would happen if burglars came into our house?

Me: Our house is pretty safe. Burglars can’t get in.

B: But what if they knocked on our door at night and said “Excuse me, we need help. Can you please let us in?” And then you let them in, but they were really burglars! What do you do then?

Me: That wouldn’t happen. We don’t answer the door at night.

B: What if they tried to get into some other houses?

Me: Maybe we’d hear them, or we’d see them, and we’d call the police.

B: What would they be wearing?

Me: I don’t know. Dark clothes and gloves.

B (shocked voice): But I wear dark clothes and gloves sometimes! What if people think I’m a burglar?!

Me: No one will think you’re a burglar. You don’t creep around people’s houses at night, and try to sneak in.

B: That sounds so cool! I wish I was a burglar!

Me: NO, YOU DON’T!

Anyway, you get the idea. Living with Kevin McCallister kind of sucked. Luckily, he didn’t last too long with us, and B went back to being himself.

Take it from me – you can’t force role models on your kids.

However, you sure can filter out candidates, which I’m going to be more diligent in doing, going forward.

Also, little massholes in movies make horrible role models.

Loading...
X