Ever notice that, sometimes, kids say stuff that make you do a double-take, like you can’t believe what you just heard?
Shoot, I talk to B and J for long enough, and I’m saying “What!?” more often than Lil Jon.
No rhyme or reason, either. Doesn’t matter what their little moods are. The randomness out of their mouths is always unpredictable.
See, they could be happy, like this example…
B opens the fridge, then gets excited:
‘Blackberry yogurt! Is this new? I’ve never seen this before! They don’t make pennies anymore but they make blackberry yogurt!’
(Note: I think that we mentioned to B once, months ago, that Canada discontinued the penny. Somehow, this fact stuck. Meanwhile, I tell him to tidy his room, and he tells me that he forgets how to do it.)
Or they could be mad, like this example….
B (to me, angry) – ‘Do it! Or else I’m not going to let you take me to my birthday party!’
(Note: It’s May. His birthday isn’t until December. Based on how he talks about it, though, you’d think it was right around the corner. He also keeps inviting people, mainly strangers or kids that he just met, to come. At this rate, with his growing guest list, I’m going to have to rent out the Rogers Centre.)
Or they could be having some sibling rivalry, like this example…..
B and J are putting on their pyjamas. B picked his out.
B – ‘I’m the winner! My shorts are shorter!’
(Note: Didn’t realize that they were in a hot pants contest. With his tight shorts that were halfway up his thigh, he looked like an NBA player in the 80s.)
Or even when they’re feeling silly…..
Right now, B is all about the penis, and its various synonyms (the PG rated ones). Cracks him up, he thinks they are hilarious. Thanks, B’s kindergarten class, for the anatomy lesson.
K and I told him one day that weiner was also another word for a hot dog. So of course a few days later:
B – ‘Dad, you lied. I told everyone that a hot dog was a weiner and everyone said that I was wrong.’
(Note: Who’s he talking to? How many people is everybody? The image of B telling anyone who will listen at his school about hot dogs and weiners is ridiculous, and reeks of say whatness, for real.)
Anyway, at least that comment was in the privacy of our own home.
Unlike this time at the grocery store…..
B was in a shopping cart. I’m grabbing some corn husks out of a bin amongst a crowd of people. So this naturally led to:
B (loudly) – ‘My dad is brown! My dad is the brown one! My dad is the brown one!’
(Note: This was said to no one in particular. Hey, at least the little old ladies who were also at the corn bin weren’t confused about who his father was.)
You get the idea. Me saying ‘What?!’ comes at any given time. It could even occur during serious conversations, like this example….
Once a couple of weeks ago, while he was quietly playing with his cars:
B – ‘I’ve had beer before, right?’
B – ‘Yeah I did. I like beer!’
Me – ‘No you haven’t! Don’t say that out loud!’
Me – ‘Yeah I did! I went to a birthday party and I tried beer. I liked it!’
Me – ‘That was pop!’
B – ‘Oh, yeah. I liked pop. Right.’
(Note: And then it was back to playing quietly, as if claiming to be an ultra underaged alcoholic was no biggie.)
Yep. Every now and then, talking to B can make you feel like your mind is playing tricks on you, no doubt.
It’s not just B, however. J has her moments.
Like this time, a couple of weekends ago….
Me – ‘Lunch time! What do you want?’
J – ‘Chicken and fries!’
Me – ‘No. Something else!’
J – ‘Chicken!’
Me – ‘We don’t have any chicken.’
J – ‘Fries!’
Me – ‘We don’t have fries, either. Do you want a sandwich? What kind of sandwich do you want?’
J – ‘Chicken!’
Me – ”No chicken!’
She sat down at the table, so I made her a sandwich. Peanut Butter. As I brought it over to her:
J – ‘Yay! Chicken!’
(Note: Holy one track mind, Batman! Anyway, she happily ate it. Maybe she was pretending that it was chicken.)
Afterwards, I gave her a coconut cookie. As she was eating it, B, never to be out done, walked over:
B – ‘Hey, where did she get that chicken?’
Sigh. One more time, please: