John Cena And The WWE Are Ruining My Life

 

We always try to expose our kids to new and different things. Sports, hobbies, activities, whatever. Sometimes they’re feeling it, sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they feel it for a while,  get bored and move on to the next one (word to Jay-Z!).  Regardless, we just keep throwing stuff at them, because we never know what will stick.

For me, one of the things that stuck was pro wrestling, especially the WWF/WWE.  What can I say, since I was four or five years old, I’ve been a wrestling fan.

Until recently, B and J were only familiar with wrestling, and didn’t really care for it. To them,  it was just another thing that daddy watched, like basketball or football.  One day, though, I gave B my old  Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior dolls (err I mean action figures!). He’s at that age (almost five) that I was, when I got my first wrestling toys.  From then on, his curiosity was piqued.

But now?

It’s a borderline obsession!

See, he’s not just into wrestling; he’s really into it and wants to know everything about as many wrestlers as possible. As a parent, I’ve been trying to ease him in, and be cautious. I’ve been only showing him stuff that isn’t super crude/profane/risqué.  I also give him warnings to never try what he sees, because he isn’t a trained wrestler (Yet. Lil dude keeps talking about going to wrestling school when he’s older).  He gets that it is a show, too, and not ‘real’.

It is such a niche form of entertainment which a lot people aren’t into, though, that I am  B’s almost exclusive source for information.  As a result, he’s been asking me lots of questions. Not just the easy ones, like who’s the best wrestler or who wins the most. He wants to know everything, so his questions are randomly bananas. I try to give him real, honest answers, but sometimes, it’s impossible!

No joke, here is what he has asked me, in  just this past week:

Who’s the cutest wrestler?
Who had short hair when they were a kid?
Who has the coolest boat?
Who has the coolest car?
*Pulls out all of his action figures* Which of my guys has the coolest car? (I say John Cena). Which guy has the next coolest?
This goes on until we’ve ranked all of their cars.
Side note: I have no clue what they  all drive. Chris Jericho finished last, though.
Who has the longest hair?
Who is the tallest?
Who is the smallest?
Who got angry when someone broke something that they liked that was hard, when they were in school?
Who’s the oldest and youngest?
Who was the first wrestler from a long long long long long long loooooong time ago?
Who was the second from a long long loooooong time ago?
Who was the tenth?
Side note: yes he skipped third, fourth etc. and went straight to tenth.
Who has the coolest car but they’re dead?
Which wrestler is the tallest out of the medium?
Who has the curliest hair?
Which wrestler played video games with their dad?
Which wrestler watched another wrestler when they were a kid? Who did they watch?
Which wrestler is from Toronto?
Who’s the darkest?
Who has the most boring music ever, when they come out?
Could Andre the Giant touch my ceiling?
Who are Andre the Giant’s family? Are they giants?
Who has the best necklace?
Who has the best swimming pool, from when they were a kid?
Who can jump the highest? Can they jump over a car? Over Andre the Giant?
Who has the nicest boots?
Who can lift up a house?
Who’s the fastest?
Who had the coolest room when they were a kid?
Who cries the most?
Side note: I told him that I didn’t know, but he was adamant that I told him a name before. After arguing for a bit, I just said The Miz. No clue if he cries.
Really? REALLY?
Really? REALLY?
Sorry, Miz.
We also had this exchange:
B – ‘Which wrestler has gone to jail, when they were younger?’
Me – ‘Uhh…….Booker T.’
B- ‘Booger T? Does he pick his nose!?’
And this exchange:
B – ‘What’s your name?’
Me – ‘My name? My name is-‘
B (Cuts me off, mid sentence) – ‘It doesn’t matter what your name is!’
Side note: his timing in the cut-off was perfect. The Rock would have been proud.
IMG_20140813_222311_147
The Rock approves of B rudely interrupting me.
Another time, our neighbour dropped the news on B that the Ultimate Warrior died. He came home, and asked me when he died. I couldn’t remember, so I looked up the date on Wikipedia and told him. Much later, one of K’s friends came over, and B excitedly showed her some of his wrestlers:
B – ‘This is Rey Mysterio. This is R Truth. This is Ultimate Warrior. He’s dead. He died on April 8 2014.’
Yeah, it’s pretty crazy, man. When the school year starts, when everyone else’s kids are making pictures of Spiderman, or those princesses in Frozen, I’m sure that my kid will be drawing Kofi Kingston.
Here’s the other messed up part – you know how younger siblings emulate older ones? Guess who J’s favorite character is right now? Why, it’s who every two year old girl likes – not Dora……not Elmo…….but  John Cena!?
Who, me?
Who, me?
I mean, she doesn’t watch wrestling with any real interest. Yet, because B is so into it, she learned from him and somehow picked Cena as her go to guy. Which means:
– Whenever B is playing with his wrestlers, J will join in sometimes, but will only play with John Cena.
– When I  play one of my old WWE video games, she insists that I always be John Cena.
– She left a bunch of her toys and other play things on the stairs. When I asked her who made the mess, she said ‘John Cena! You can’t see me!’ and then ran off humming his theme song.
– I did movie night with the kids, when K went out one evening. While browsing for one to watch,  I stumbled on Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery.  Hand’s up if you knew this existed.  I put it on, and of course, it was the most riveted B has ever been for a movie. J, on the other hand, only got excited when John Cena was in it. She spent the scenes that he wasn’t in repeatedly asking where he was.
– This:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5vTtfQj0A

Anyway, that’s our household right now.
OK, OK, maybe the title of this post is a bit of a swerve and kind of harsh.  John Cena and the WWE  aren’t really ruining my life. They’ve only made it more……. let’s go with interesting.  It’s cool that when B is really into a subject, he has an insane thirst for knowledge. And I guess that there could be worse characters for J to like. Cena does seem like a decent  role model, in real life.
I still can’t wait for my kids to move onto the next one, though.
My answer to the tenth wrestler question was Georg Hackenschmidt.  No clue if that's right. No clue how many other kindergarten-aged kids know who he is, either.
My answer to the “who was the first wrestler question” was Georg Hackenschmidt. No clue if that’s right.  No clue, either, if any kindergarten-aged kid besides B knows who he is.

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