Month: June 2016

A Guide To My Father’s Day Gifts

It’s Father’s Day season!

That time of the year where dads everywhere are shown some love. Now, for many of us, that love is in the form of presents. Beautiful, glorious gifts, straight from the hearts of those who appreciate us the most.  In our household, the kiddos wanted to hook me up nice. They put in work, making some sweet gifts for their old man, which they are dying to show me.

So let’s get to it!

Yo, B and J, come here. Can I please see what you’ve created? Alright J, you first. What do you got?

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Amazing artwork! I love them. You did these all by yourself? Wow, your penmanship is spectacular for a four year old.

Oh, what’s that?

You got me a medal, too? For being the World’s Greatest Dad? I didn’t even know that I was in the running this year for it.

Yes, of course, I’ll put it on!

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I’d like to thank my family, the Academy, and my fellow nominees, and…..sorry, let’s get back on track.

B, what did you make?

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Homemade BBQ rub! Yum! What’s your secret recipe?

Spicy peppers and sugar?

Delicious. Can’t wait to try it! Oh, you made some artwork, too? Sweet!

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A family portrait? Well done! Very true to life, right down to my bald head!

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A picture of us in our house.  Looks like there’s a party up in here, up in here! Word to DMX! What do you mean, who’s DMX?

Anyway, what are you doing?

Playing basketball? Cool.

Where am I going?

To play basketball? Yikes. The party must have been pretty lame.

You wrote a note, too? Aww, how sweet!

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“Mom makes me happy. You make a great mom.”

Well, that’s a lovely thing to say about Mommy. I really was hoping, since its Father’s Day and all, that the note would have been for me, though….

Hey, is someone cutting onions? My eyes are starting to water.

Oh, you did make me one, too!

Thanks, B! I can’t wait to see it!

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Whoa. What did you try to say here?

“Shake your booty booty booty booty in daddy’s face. I hope you had a stinking Father’s Day.”

Son of a B!

WTF, dude. Stop giggling! Butts in the face are NOT a laughing matter.

Well this didn’t go as planned. As usual.

Time to wrap it up.

B, go to your room.

J, come listen to the rest of my acceptance speech for my World’s Greatest Dad award.

Happy Father’s Day, y’all.

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Super Dad? Thanks, B!

True Colors

The other morning,  while getting ready for school, B suddenly blurted this out to us:

“Did you know that they say the N word on Casper’s Scare School?”

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Now, if your kid said this to you, what would your reaction be? For me, I hadn’t had my coffee yet, but this provided quite the jolt!

B and J had recently watched some episodes of Casper’s Scare School on Netflix, featuring Casper The Friendly Ghost. As far as I could tell, it was a fairly tame show. So when B dropped this bombshell on us, I was confused and disappointed.

Did they really say THAT word on that show?!

It goes without saying that the N word which I’m referring to is still a very powerful, controversial one in our language. Shoot, I remember the first time I heard it. I was right around B’s current age, six or seven years old. I was playing in front of our house, when a bunch of teenage boys walked by, and called me it. Even though I didn’t understand what it meant at the time, the way that those boys said the word, with such laughter and disdain, it really did hurt me a lot.

The world kind of sucks sometimes, and there are a lot of haters out there. Fortunately, little children have this naive purity, in terms of their outlook on life. I can’t shield my kids from reality forever. I get that. I can at least do my best to delay certain aspects of reality from them, however. Let them be kids and worry about kid stuff.

With all that said, I was still confused about B’s comment.  Being multi-racial, my kids are ‘visibly black’, for lack of a better term. I do fully intend to one day sit down and talk about the N word to them. They should understand the history and meaning behind it, in case it is used in a derogatory fashion towards them.

But…..

I hadn’t had that conversation with them yet! As such, I wasn’t sure how B even knew what the N word was. I’ve never said it when he was around. We don’t listen to, or watch, anything profane around him, either. If he heard it at school, he probably would have told us about it.

So what was he talking about? Why was he so nonchalant? And what was Casper’s problem, to boot? Something didn’t add up.  More explanation was needed. I braced myself, and asked B to tell us what word he heard.

B’s response?

“Casper said…NITWIT!”

 

And like that, I instantly felt relieved. B meant a completely different N word!

I  guess I should have known better. There have been more times than I can count of me assuming something, and being way off about it. Sometimes, I’m not even in the same book as B and J, let alone on the same page as them. In this case, B’s book was full of N words, but not the N word, apparently.

So, in the end, Casper was just a friendly ghost, not a friendly racist in a white hood. And most important of all, my kids’ naive purity remained intact…….minus the fact that they watched a show which used such salty language.

Speaking of that, for the record, Casper also used the I word, according to B.

You know.

Idiot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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